What Andrew Said
According to my cousin Andrew
Who, btw (By The Way) used to be a personal trainer so he knows what he’s talking about
You’re supposed to wear underwear under your Gym Shorts
When you visit the Gym
Ever since I bought my first pair of Slazengers (Police-blue, white double stripe down both legs, zip pockets, annoying draw string waist band)
For £4.99 in the sale in Sports Direct
Which turned out to be a bit too big and baggy for me
I haven’t worn underwear in the Gym.
Just to be clear - No boxers or Ys or anything under the Slazengers.
Commando if you will.
The Slazengers have an inner mesh, much like a swimming short.
That’s probably how I justified the whole sorry business to myself.
The presence of the mesh.
Which makes it sort of like you’re wearing undies.
After a sesh (Session) in the Gym,
Doing 15-20 minutes on the rowing machine and avoiding the room with all the weights that me and a girl called Jasmine I sometimes talk to agree reminds us of a Prison Gym
My shorts smelt revolting.
To be really honest with you here
They smelt like a homeless man’s crotch.
What I did was
I washed the Slazengers frequently
and pretended everything was fine.
Everything changed for me (Shorts-wise)
When my Mum (Kathryn) was going to chuck out her husband (Robert’s) Nike Gym Shorts (Navy-blue, single stripe down right side, no zips on pockets, slim-fit)
I said I would give them a good home.
When I took the Nikes out for their first sesh (Session)
It was the middle of a work day (Tuesday) so it was only the elderly and women around
Therefore I didn’t feel self-conscious
About going into the prison room and using the Big Boy Weights
So I was especially sweaty.
After lifting all the weights.
As a result the Nikes were odorous
In a way I never imagined shorts could be.
A nightmarish, ungodly, cacophony of scent-horror.
At the time I was convinced the intensified smell was due to the Nikes being
The lack of inner mesh also instilled a fear of my fellow Gym-goers
Seeing a testicle or worse.
So when Andrew drove me down to our Granny’s house
In his new MG (which he bought on a whim because his Dad ((Uncle Edward)) had one and he was jealous)
To see our Grandmother because she was dying of cancer which had spread from her liver to her lungs
And she only had three months left to live
And when I asked him about the shorts thing
He told me that everyone else wears underwear under their Gym Shorts.